These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
