I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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