I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
