so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
