Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
