Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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