there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
