Don't make out with my wife yet
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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