considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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