five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize