Sponge bath it is.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
