dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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