Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
