You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
