I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This toilet bowl is my home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
