Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
