remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize