Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
