im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
