the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
