in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
