They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
