DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
