Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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