oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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