watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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