remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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