the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
