He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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