Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
