i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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