Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
