i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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