I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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