I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
