I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
