last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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