I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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