I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
