READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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