dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
