For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
