So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
