I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
