I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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