Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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