She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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