sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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