Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
