I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
