I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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