You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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