just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
