There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
