I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
