The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
