I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
