Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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