Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
