Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
