There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
