i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
