Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
