There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, thereās still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
