sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
