I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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