Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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