return my video game
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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