Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
