BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
