you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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