70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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