hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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